I. HATE. CANCER.
We have spent more time with him these last few days than ever before. Trying to soak up every last minute that God gives us with him. He's been sick for some time now. Really, God has spared his life for about 20 years now. He's lived through a bike accident, lymphoma cancer, hepatitis C, heart surgery, kidney cancer, just to name a few. Probably even more things that I don't even know about. God's hand has surely been on his life. I hurt watching him suffer. Some days (especially today) just lying there, lifeless. I hate seeing my husband so hurt by this. Sometimes... life seems so unfair. My faith HAS to be stronger than my fear!! I know that our prayers are heard. I know that God CAN heal him. What I don't understand is Why? Why hasn't he healed him from this, what seems to be the last & final battle. I don't mean to question him. I know I shouldn't, but it is my flesh. That's why I say, my faith has to be stronger. My faith has to know that God is sovereign and he only is in control. I can't go on my feelings. God I trust you!
I have been thinking of all of the wonderful memories that we have made with Larry, or PawPaw, as my kids affectionately call him. :) We have taken vacations to the beach, to museums, water parks, watched him drive a Nascar, took him sky-diving and last year we went to Disney World! I will never forget the times that we have spent with him. Birthdays, going out to dinner, or just hanging out at the house with them... they will forever be embedded in my memories. And I have all the pictures to help me remember too! I am so blessed and honor to have been married into this family. He is an amazing father, wonderful grandfather and one of the hardest working men I have ever known.
Today, March 21st and he is still here with us today. See, God did give us more time with him than even hospice gave us. I watched this morning while Sharon (his wife) fed him breakfast. Then sat next to him on the bed. With as much love as anyone could have for another person, she wrapped her arm around his & talked to him. He doesn't respond a lot. But he knows she is there. Their love, I know, has got him through this far. Larry wanted to be at home through this all. He wants to die at home. Sharon is so strong! I know she is hurting so much, but she is so strong right now.
Then I watched my husband sit down next to him. I'm amazed how much they favor. :) I see so much of Larry in Chris. Not just in physical looks, but they have a lot of the same mannerisms. My husband put his arm around his dad and gave him a hug. Wow. I see the love he has for him, and the hurt this is causing in him also. My heart breaks for him.
Then again, Amanda (one of Larry's daughters) also sat next down next to him. She's only 20. Seems so unfair to have to lose a father at that age. She also takes after Larry so much. She loves to fish and hunt and ride 4-wheelers. She is definitely a "Daddy's girl." :)
Hospice came in this morning. Says we are looking at the end stages. That Larry is in the "transitional" stage into death. Wow, what a statement to have to swallow. Hearing it first hand from her, instead second hand from my husband seemed to hit me a lot harder today.
God, my heart cries out to you! YOU ARE GOD! Take the pain away from him Lord. Please be our comfort through this time God.
I trust you God.
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