Fight Like A Girl

So... here I am again...   I. HATE. CANCER.


Kiara (my oldest daughter) came home a couple of days ago talking about a little girl she knows from school that has cancer, Mary Keith.  Kiara talked about how all of her friends are doing different things to help raise awareness for their friend.  Today, practically everyone in the school wore shorts with crazy knee socks and sneakers because that was one of Mary's favorite outfits to wear.  And also today the  White House Dixie Youth/USFA Baseball and Softball and Doug's BP Gas Station in White House, TN began selling shirts donated by Think Ink.  

The shirts are only $10 and all proceeds will go to Mary and her family.  While I don't know this family personally, I have so proud of our community for coming together for this family.  I hear that News Channel 5 will be interviewing her on tomorrow and that News Channel 2 will be at the WH City Park for the Opening Night Parade.  Everyone will be there wearing their shirts in honor of Mary. :) 
Continuing to lift Mary and her family up to the Father. I know that he is the only one we can turn to.


(Read here for another article on Mary's story)


I also saw a post today from a friend who's grandfather was told today that he has cancer and that it is terminal.  So sad to hear. Praying for that family! 


Cancer is awful.  I pray that one day VERY soon they will find a cure for this horrible disease that seems to have no mercy on anyone.  I am praying for these 2 and many others who are in the fight of their life to beat this STUPID disease called cancer.


The pain of my father in law's death and loss to cancer is still very fresh in my mind.  I think about him often throughout the day.  He wasn't perfect (none of us are) but he LOVED his family and he knew how to show it.  And I see so much of him in my husband.  I continue to pray for God's peace and comfort for my husband, my mother in law and our whole family.  Father, I pray that you wrap us in your arms. AMEN!

The day after

We buried my father in law yesterday.  Seemed so surreal.  Couldn't have asked for a more beautiful day though.  Everything was just as he wanted it. 


I woke up this morning hoping that the last few days we just walked through were all just a dream... then reality hit me.  Time to get up and try to get back to some kind of normal routine... for my kids' sake.  


My heart still aches.  I miss my father in law tremendously.  I hurt... for my husband, my kids, for my mother in law, my sisters in law, Grandma and all of our family and friends that were so close to him.  While I am thankful that Larry is no longer hurting, not in any pain any longer... I still wish he were here with us. 


I am SO thankful to our wonderful family and friends that have been pitching in and helping us over the last few weeks.  My sister, Maryann, for watching my babies several times for us, just so that we could have a break.  Feeding them and taking them places.  She was a lifesaver! :)  My mom & dad, who called or texted me pretty much daily to lift me up and just check on me!  I love them!!  For coordinating food for the family and also helping with the kids.  They are my rocks!  Always there for me!  For my pastors, Todd & Rachel, and our church family for being there for us. For bringing food to our family and checking up on us daily.  We are so blessed to have them as our pastors & friends.  Emily, for skipping school for us to watch my girls. ;) I love you girl. Thanks for always being available to look after them.  And there are so many others!  THANK YOU from the bottom of our hearts.  Your kind words, your prayers, the wonderful food you prepared for us or went and picked up for us at the last minute -Aunt Kellye ;)... will never be in vain!  Our father above sees the love you shared and your reward will be great.  Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!


Gotta get my Wife & Mommy cap on and get this crazy messy house in order.  Seems like it hasn't been touched in over 3 weeks.  Oh, and some groceries.  Gotta go get some groceries.  Don't remember the last time I let us run out of milk.  Lol!  I did manage to get some laundry washed... washed, not put up.  Lol!  Currently my couch is housing our clean laundry. And that's ok, for now! At least it's clean.  


Praying for the next days, months and years that the emotions of not having our "PawPaw" come back around.  Praying for God's continued strength.

Trusting God in tough times

Feb. 27th... that's the day we got the news from hospice that my father-in-law only had 2 more weeks. 


I. HATE. CANCER.


We have spent more time with him these last few days than ever before.  Trying to soak up every last minute that God gives us with him.  He's been sick for some time now. Really, God has spared his life for about 20 years now.  He's lived through a bike accident, lymphoma cancer, hepatitis C, heart surgery, kidney cancer, just to name a few.  Probably even more things that I don't even know about. God's hand has surely been on his life.  I hurt watching him suffer.  Some days (especially today) just lying there, lifeless.  I hate seeing my husband so hurt by this.  Sometimes... life seems so unfair.  My faith HAS to be stronger than my fear!! I know that our prayers are heard.  I know that God CAN heal him.  What I don't understand is Why?  Why hasn't he healed him from this, what seems to be the last & final battle.  I don't mean to question him.  I know I shouldn't, but it is my flesh.  That's why I say, my faith has to be stronger.  My faith has to know that God is sovereign and he only is in control.  I can't go on my feelings.  God I trust you!   


I have been thinking of all of the wonderful memories that we have made with Larry, or PawPaw, as my kids affectionately call him. :)  We have taken vacations to the beach, to museums, water parks, watched him drive a Nascar, took him sky-diving and last year we went to Disney World!  I will never forget the times that we have spent with him.  Birthdays, going out to dinner, or just hanging out at the house with them... they will forever be embedded in my memories.  And I have all the pictures to help me remember too!  I am so blessed and honor to have been married into this family.  He is an amazing father, wonderful grandfather and one of the hardest working men I have ever known.  


Today, March 21st and he is still here with us today. See, God did give us more time with him than even hospice gave us.  I watched this morning while Sharon (his wife) fed him breakfast. Then sat next to him on the bed.  With as much love as anyone could have for another person, she wrapped her arm around his & talked to him.  He doesn't respond a lot.  But he knows she is there.  Their love, I know, has got him through this far.  Larry wanted to be at home through this all.  He wants to die at home.  Sharon is so strong!  I know she is hurting so much, but she is so strong right now.  


Then I watched my husband sit down next to him.  I'm amazed how much they favor. :)  I see so much of Larry in Chris.  Not just in physical looks, but they have a lot of the same mannerisms.  My husband put his arm around his dad and gave him a hug.  Wow.  I see the love he has for him, and the hurt this is causing in him also.  My heart breaks for him.  


Then again, Amanda (one of Larry's daughters) also sat next down next to him.  She's only 20.  Seems so unfair to have to lose a father at that age.  She also takes after Larry so much.  She loves to fish and hunt and ride 4-wheelers.  She is definitely a "Daddy's girl." :)


Hospice came in this morning.  Says we are looking at the end stages.  That Larry is in the "transitional" stage into death.  Wow, what a statement to have to swallow.  Hearing it first hand from her, instead second hand from my husband seemed to hit me a lot harder today.  


God, my heart cries out to you!  YOU ARE GOD!  Take the pain away from him Lord.  Please be our comfort through this time God.


I trust you God.